Confessions
by sarascofield72
Summary: Missing scene fic- What happened after their first "bedroom scene" in Season 4 Episode 1 after Michael tells Sara that he loves her. My take on it. Please R and R. Had to change the rating for 2 bad words and some sexual situations
1. Chapter 1

Missing scene fic- Season 4 Episode 1

A/N. I always wondered what really happened after the 'bed scene'. Here is my take on it.

"I love you. That's all I know right now." he said earnestly looking down at her upturned face. They were both exhausted, he knew. He had been running for days, looking everywhere for her until he was arrested and Bruce had bailed both he and Lincoln out. He had brought them back here, where , to his surprise and utter relief, she had been safely, impatiently waiting for him yesterday. God, he had not given up but he could have. If he had listened to logic he should have. After all, her head had been found in a box. Thank goodness he just couldn't shake the feeling that she could still be alive.

And she, she had been running too. She had told him. She had been hiding really. After escaping captivity in Panama, fearing for her life. Thank God Bruce was still easily contacted. He brought her back here without question. When she asked him to help her find Michael, he did that without question too.

Now, they were reunited. Lovers ….finally ….after all of this time. Months of yearning for what took place last night in this bed in Bruce's safe house. Something good had finally happened to her.

To them.

If someone had told her a year ago that she could have had a night like that with Michael, she would have deemed them certifiable.

She looked up at him and brushed his chin and his lips with her left hand after softly kissing him.

"When did you know?" She asked

He looked at her for a minute, a little confused by the question.

"When did you know that you loved me Michael?" She asked softly.

He sighed, looking down at her. He smiled weakly. Why was she asking this? Why did she need to know?

"I am asking because I know exactly when it happened for me. I'm just curious about your take on this... I guess." She said it as if she could read his thoughts.

She suddenly felt a little embarrassed at her own forwardness. Sara never asked these types of questions. She always feared the answers .

"I suppose that question has many answers." He smiled.

"The short version is- when I had to lie to you about Nika."

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, when you came to me, upset. You had questions about Nika and me. You were so angry. When I looked you in the eye and had to lie to you". He winced. "I wanted to throw the plan away and confess everything. That's when I knew I had to be in love with you. Nothing else mattered."

Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. Hopefully, this confession wouldn't scare her.

"Surprised?" He asked

She traced his lower lip with her thumb and smiled. "We hadn't known each other that long then." She said.

"I know. But I was already falling . That time we spent together during the riots….it just confirmed everything ….. that I couldn't breathe if you weren't with me…safe…No wonder I haven't been able to think straight since we got separated in Panama.

I guess that is part of the answer to that question as well Sara. I think that I had already fallen for you during the riots."

"Long before the incident with Nika." He added .

She smiled, thinking back . A lot had happened since.

"Aren't you curious about when _I_ fell for you?" She asked.

He looked at her with a serious look on his face.

She smiled and looked up at him , saying "I guess just like you, there are many answers to the question."

"What would you say if I told you that I knew I was in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you in Gila?" she smiled.

"When we first saw each other again. You stepped out of the car in your white shirt and sunglasses and it hit me like a train." She sniffed. "It took everything in me to stop myself from running straight into your arms."

He was quiet for a few minutes. Then…."I wished you had."

"I couldn't let it happen, Michael. I know it was confusing for you. I seemed angry. …and I was …..a little. But more importantly Michael, I was so in love with you at that moment, I would have given you anything if you had just asked me. I just couldn't let you see that until I got some answers."

Sara couldn't believe she had just confessed that. She had promised herself that she would never tell him, that she would take that secret to her grave, yet here she was telling him everything.

A tear ran down her cheek and he brushed it with his thumb.

"Sorry." She said. " I'm such a mess. I promised myself I wouldn't let you see me cry.

He didn't know what to say to that either.

"Anyway, I guess the other part to the answer is that I fell for you without knowing it, um, much earlier on."

"When?" He asked.

She felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment, wondering whether she should confess this too.

"I think I must have fallen in love with you when we first met."

 _Dammit! Dammit! Dammit Sara!_ She thought.

After a few minutes he touched her chin and brought her gaze up to meet his. Tears were falling down her cheeks. She pulled away.

 _Oh great. That confession, and now the tears again. I wouldn't blame him if he ran from this and never looked back._

"The truth is Michael, I have never thought that I deserved anything good. The pain of being in love with you , not knowing how you felt about me, then thinking you used me, didn't care…it was torture but it was ….sadly familiar. I felt like it was what I deserved. After everything in my life I had screwed up. It was just…it was karma. I never thought that we would get a second chance, you know what I mean?"

"Why don't you think you deserve anything good?" He was still back there. She lay her head on his chest silently and pulled him closer . He realized that he had his work cut out for him. This was years of self loathing that he had to try to change.

To undo this….it would take a long time…..but not forever.

They would have their forever if he had anything to do with it.

A plan was developing in his mind.

"I am ready to prove to you that you deserve _everything_ good Sara. We all make mistakes… but you need to forgive yourself for them. Yours aren't any more horrifying than anyone else's...you know that, right?"

He paused.

"Will you let me love you?" he asked, kissing her forehead.

She held onto his shirt and sobbed.

"It's okay, sweetheart" he whispered while kissing her forehead. "I do anyway."

.


	2. Chapter 2

Michael woke up to find Sara sleeping against his shoulder. It was still dark out, he could see through the blinds of the window at the safe house. What time was it? He looked over at the clock radio on the night table. 2 :38 am. He lightly kissed her head and slowly slipped out of the bed. He went out to the kitchen to find Lincoln pouring over the folder of their father's papers that Self had given to them yesterday.

"Where's Bruce?"

Lincoln looked up. "He hasn't come back. Everything okay?"

"Mmhhmm, just wondering….. you should get some sleep Linc."

"I would say the same to you but I know what you've been doing."

"Linc!"

"Sorry man." He chuckled. "Thin walls in here."

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Not exactly how I would have liked our first time to be." Michael whispered to himself.

He stood there for a minute wondering if he should explain himself to his older brother. Somehow this situation felt strange, almost paternalistic like he had been caught with a girl in his room. It was silly he knew. They were both adults….but Linc couldn't possibly know why they needed last night. Did he need to explain it to him ?

"I am gonna go back in ." Michael said, as he pointed to the bedroom door.

"Have at it" he smirked.

Linc could be so crude sometimes.

Michael turned and quietly entered the bedroom. She was awake now , propped up on pillows in bed. She looked at him when he came in. He held his breath for what seemed like forever, just staring at her. She still wore his boxers and her thin white blouse. Her hair was loose around her shoulders now. God she was beautiful!

He realized he was embarrassing her by staring. She tucked hair behind her right ear and looked down for a second.

"Um , it's been a long time for me…" he said nervously.

He looked hesitant to approach her, just like he did months ago in that train bathroom.

Why was he bringing that up? She thought

Unless-

Was he apologizing about last night? Was this some attempt at heading off her possible disappointment?

As if to answer her puzzled look- "I heard you crying…in the bathroom after the first time we…um … You stayed there for a while. I was going crazy out here wondering what I had done wrong, then I realized …it was probably too rushed maybe? But it's been a while for me …..and I've never um….been in this situation. I left you alone in there….didn't think you would want my company."

She sighed and looked at him with wide sad eyes. They certainly knew how to torture each other.

"What situation?" she asked

"The one where I get to make love to a woman I am actually in love with."

.

There he was …saying those things to her again. She had already decided that this conversation was pointless because she was most certainly not crying last night because of something he did but, curiosity got the better of her…..

"How long has it been for you Michael?"

He sighed and closed the door behind him . "Maybe 2-3 years. I lost count". He smiled sheepishly.

Oh. She extended her arm in a welcoming gesture for him to join her on the bed. She looked at him and said,

"What? What about Nika?"

"Nika"?

"Yes Michael. Your wife?"

"Oh. Right. We never really got to talk about her did we Sara . He hedged a bit. " You should know I never touched her. We were never in a relationship. We were never together in any way."

She looked away for a minute.

"It's been about 2 years for me . I was dating someone back then….when I went into rehab. It was best that I stopped seeing him. He didn't really care anyway." She smiled and said to herself.

"Michael, last night was incredible. That's why I was crying in the bathroom."

Oh

 _Oh_

"So it wasn't my fault? I wasn't rough? Or too ..um … fast?"

"What? No! ….. _No!_ "

"And you were …um…satisfied?"

"Michael! I bet if you ask Linc he could tell from what he heard out there."

He put his hands around her face and began to kiss her . He kissed her like there was no tomorrow, over and over. He was running his fingers through her hair . She was definitely caught off guard …..like in the infirmary months ago….but then…she kissed him back.

Just like she had back then.

The memory of it began flooding her senses. She suddenly realized that her feelings for him, for what he had done for her, were exactly the same now as they were in that infirmary almost a year ago. She had loved him then , as she loved him now .It was during that first kiss that she admitted to herself that she had been in love with him. He had unveiled darkness so heavy, so seemingly permanent in her life . A darkness she never thought she would escape.

He began to whisper to her. He whispered his secret thoughts, his desires. She was caught off guard by that too….

"Don't stop loving me ….please"

"Never ." He sighed against her mouth.

They continued to kiss, their tongues were interlocking. He was leaning over her in the bed, now kissing her neck and chest. She started tugging at his sweater and pulled it over his head and off. She reveled in the feel of his skin against her hands as she massaged his chest, his back. God, he was beautiful. A work of art. Soon he was lifting her blouse off and she let him. She was left wearing her bra, feeling very vulnerable. Last night had been so rushed that they had never gotten to this point. He laid her back in the bed and continued to kiss her. He placed his hands under her lower back and moved them upwards towards the bra.

He suddenly stopped kissing her and his hands froze.

Then Sara froze.

Shit!

What the f-? He felt something on her upper back. What was that?

She jumped up out of the bed and grabbed her blouse, apologizing, "Sorry…. no time for this…..we should plan our next move". She quickly threw the blouse back on and walked over to sit by the window where she started putting on her boots . She was harried and upset. He could tell.

What just happened?

Michael sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his sweater back on , sighing. What was this?

He walked over to her and touched her shoulder. She jumped.

"Sorry", he said." Didn't mean to scare you". She kissed his hand .

"You want to talk about it?"


End file.
